Dark as it isI found comfort in my broken bonesAnd I'm not afraid of damage,Just losing controlLike mental collateral-Or a skin-deep debtI own all of me when I am feelingAnd if all I feel is painThen so be it.I'll never mind those pulsating contusionsNor all the ways they made me feel human.
He clung to meWith the afterbirthAnd afterwardsHe was removed from myOut reaching armsSobbing likeHe fell off his first bikeAnd had never felt more betrayed.So I'm furiousStill feeling him like puppet strings-Though he is not mine to keep-(And he is not inside of me)-I weep overAll the should have beensAnd what I could have done differentBut [...]
The water poured downHer ill fated fleshAnd she knew she loved himShe knew nothing less-But his intentionsWere not the yellow rosesAnd forehead kissesShe'd envisioned.(It's not so mysterious to not be picked)Maybe he liked herWhen she was something to be hadAnd not whenShe loved him, to its full capacity-But it has to beThemNeeds to beThem-And perhaps [...]
Take your shitIt makes no differenceIn this temporary life.People don't love youOr even the ideaThey love attentionAnd feeling horribly remindedOf the rewound truthThat we are all narcissistsVictimizing that which we care forNo sacrafice in thatJust pure avoidance behaviorUnadulteratedSweetAvoidance behavior.
I'm sorry forThe things I sworeI'd never doLike the slamming doorAnd crying in the grocery store(I've made a child out of me)
The conversations been hadBut it's still emptyFeelingSo close toThe epiphanyThat your knuckles bleedAnd if anyone knewWhat you did in his roomThey'd be crazy tooObsessedNay, infatuated withA simple presence(Little more than a ghost)And stillI ask the same questions-
Loving himWould be the greatest thingI was never allowed to do.
I was nearly newWhen i started feeling youSlip through my fingersBut I kept looking throughEvery bit of you that lingers.-and, like having one, or twoSplinters(I saw no issue)In your split nervesOr the fewTimes you stayed-So I let you grow intoThese decayed tendrils,Who are blue,GrayedAnd cut through;If only to be conveyedAs someone whoWouldn't gut you too.
I swallowed my spineChokedAnd joked how I was fine.(I'm used to deeper hits than this)Like lilac bruises down my back-Or hisHands,PeriwinkleAnd black.
Puffing upI'm thinking AboutThe funeralAnd loving your ghostIn this infernalWay.I never should haveSet my praisesInto you.But I was so into youSo determinedI'd have died instead-And things were never(Meant to be)This deadEnded endeavor-And maybe I was clumsy,Tripping over you;But it was so comfy(The way that I would bruise)And sometimes I think because of meYou're goneLike the [...]